A Blessing in Disguise
by RikkiChadwick2011
Summary: Kelsey Halle and Jack Dawson have been friends forever, and Kelsey harbours a crush for Jack! But Jack likes someone else. Sometimes we have to let things go if we truly love them! Rated T! Co-Written with my sister, Dramione-At-Soul.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! My sister and I are **_**BOTH**_** working together on this story! With my fast typing skills and knack for writing, and her quick ideas and use of them! Together we have created "The Twin Method!" No just kidding, but seriously, those are the skill requirements! (Maybe not the fast typing!) Anyway, enjoy the story!**

**Disclaimer: **_**We **_**don't own Titanic! James Cameron—BEST director EVER—does…**

Outside the crowded pub, the Titanic was quickly boarding passengers of all classes and of all types. I sat inside the smoke infested pub, watching men arm wrestle and topple over when they had too much to drink. I sat behind Jack, my lifelong friend, and secret love. I watched as he skillfully kept a Poker Face and played the cards right. I knew he didn't want to give away his hand—I almost did. He was only one card away from possibly getting a Full House and we'd be on our way to America!

He cautiously picked up another card, turning it over and examining it. I almost jumped up from my seat, yelling in joy. He'd actually got a Full House. "Alright. Moment of truth… Somebody's life's about to change. Fabrizio?" Jack said. Fabrizio slapped down the cards. Fabrizio looked pissed, but Jack kept his face calm. Damn he could keep a straight face. I knew I was on the edge of my seat _trying_ to. "Niente," Jack said. "Niente." Fabrizio said bitterly. "Sven?" he asked. Jack watched as the man named Sven placed his cards down. "Nothing!" Jack said.

Sven looked like he wanted to beat Jack to death. Over my dead body! Jack gestured for the other man to put down his cards. He placed them on the table angrily. He had shit. "Olaf?" Jack said. Olaf put down his cards. "Uh oh… Two pair… I'm sorry, Fabrizio," Jack said. "Que sorry! You bet all the money!" Fabrizio yelled, gesturing toward the pile of money. "I'm sorry, Fabrizio, you're not going to see your mom for a long time! 'Cause we're going to America—Full House boys!" Jack yelled joyfully. He slapped down his cards and hollered in excitement.

I jumped up and threw my arms around Jack's neck. I was happy too. Jack and I would be going back home. "I go to America!" Fabrizio yelled happily. "No, mate! _Titanic_ goes to America—in five minutes!" the bartender called. Jack and Fabrizio exchanged an excited glance and quickly scooped up the money and a few cards in the ruck sacks they held over their shoulders. I didn't have one. I saw the man named Sven grab the front of Jack's shirt. I didn't understand what he'd said, but he raised his fist, and Jack squinted his eye to prepare. The man swung, but hit Olaf instead. Jack, Fabrizio and I all laughed at this but quickly grabbed the ruck sacks and we were on our way. We only had three minutes left to get to the boarding ramp.

We ran through the crowd of people waving to their loved. Jack was basically just yelling what came to mind, and it was quite funny. "Sei Pazzo!" Fabrizio called, laughing. "Maybe! But I've got the tickets!" Jack called. I sped up and grabbed the three sheets of paper and said, "No! I do!" and ran off. "Hey! Hey! Wait! We're passengers! We're passengers!" Jack called to one of the crew. "Have you been through the inspection queue?" asked the crewman. "Of course," Jack lied. "Anyway we don't have any lice. We're American… The three of us," Jack said waving the tickets in my direction and Fabrizio's. The crewman nodded and the three of us jumped aboard, careful to miss the gap between the ship and the dock.

Once aboard, Jack turned to us and yelled happily, "We're the luckiest sons of bitches, you know that?" and we continued down the hallway looking for D-7. When we got there, to the room, there was already one person in the room. I took the second top bunk, above the man. Jack shook his hand saying, "Jack Dawson. Nice to meet you," then turned to pick a bed. "Who says you get top bunk, huh?" he asked pushing Fabrizio around. Fabrizio laughed, but didn't get up from the top bunk. I laughed watching them. The man below me, asked himself something. He spoke Italian—so it sounded—so I didn't understand him.

Later that day, the three of us went up to the Boat Deck to check out the view of, well, everything! Fabrizio stood behind the rail, while Jack stood on it. I stood on it behind him, holding onto his waist for dear life. We watched the dolphin's jump and play; while racing the ship. "I'M KING OF THE WORLD!" Jack cried out to the air happily. I laughed, but I didn't let go of him. Fabrizio and Jack both hollered out to the horizon.

Blue ocean lay ahead and it felt exciting! I couldn't wait to be back in America! "Come on, Kels!" Jack encouraged. I let go of Jack and Held the railing. I let the wind ruffle my hair as I let go of the railing and threw my arms into the air, yelling at the top of my lungs. It was a rush, but a good kind. The excitement rushed out of me, and soon the three of us were yelling insanely and I could just imagine the looks we were secretly getting.

We had stayed on the boat deck longer than intended. Jack wanted to work on his art, and Fabrizio was just watching him. I was talking to a man, Tommy Ryan. He knew more about the ship than I did. "The ship's American, no?" Fabrizio asked. "No! Fifteen thousand Irish men built this ship! Solid as a rock!" Tommy said. I saw him studying the drawings for a moment. "Do you make any money with your drawings?" Tommy asked Jack. Jack didn't answer. His attention was off on the deck above ours. The First Class boat deck. I saw a girl, obviously First Class, looking back at Jack. I felt a sharp pain in my chest.

"Ah, forget it, boyo! It is likely angels fly out of your arse then get next to the likes of her," Tommy said, taking a puff from his cigarette. Fabrizio was laughing. He waved his arm in front of Jack. Jack's gaze never faltered. He was so caught up in the moment, until a man, probably early 30s, walked up behind the girl. It looked like they were arguing.

Jack didn't look away until she walked off. I felt horrible right now. Not even five hours on board, and I was already throwing a mental fit! Jack could never be mine. I could wish on millions of stars for something I couldn't have. Anyone would. You couldn't have something unless you wanted it badly. You had to _really_ want it, and I _really_ wanted Jack, but I didn't see it happening. I couldn't stop these feelings. They were here to stay. Maybe this was a phase. Yes, that was it! A phase! It would pass!

**A/M: So? :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Chapter 2! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Titanic!**

We had stayed on the Boat Deck a while longer just talking. Jack continued to draw people when he got a good enough angle. I was fascinated by the way the drawings were _exact_. I was jealous—really jealous—of Jack for the first time in my life. I knew him since he was young and he was always drawing people. When we were in Paris—before we met Fabrizio—Jack used to make a few dollars a day out of dimes with his drawings. He only got better because the people in Paris were much too hard to please. But he never took the comments to offence.

"Like what you see?" Jack asked, gesturing toward his portrait. Mentally I though, I like what I see _next_ to me, but I'd never be able to say that out loud. "Yes, Jack! Very much. Envy can't describe it!" I said gently. I was absorbed in studying the lines of the face of the little girl. "I wish I could create art like you, Jack," I said, taking the sketchpad from him for a moment. "You want me to show you?" he asked. I looked up at him quickly, surprised. "Oh, yes… But it's fine," I said. "No, c'mon! I'll show you how!" Jack said. I thought I'd let him have the floor for a bit. "Alright," I said.

Jack moved the sketchpad onto my lap and moved closer to help me. I felt a blush sneak up my neck and I hoped he wouldn't see it. "Okay, let me see your hand," he said. I gave him my hand, and he set the pencil in place, and began to move my hand. "See how you move your hand?" he said in my ear. "I see it," I said, still staring at his hand on mine. I began to notice who he was drawing. He was drawing Tommy and Fabrizio, whom were watching us.

He grabbed my free hand and rubbed it along the page, smudging the pastel to create a shadow look. I was amazed by this! He was so good at art and I was so plain… "You're talented, Jack," I said. "We've all got some talent," he said. Wise and artistic… Damn. I was feeling so stupid.

When we—_he_—had finished the drawing, he took a second to look at it. He signed his initials in the bottom right and then handed the canvas paper to me. "Wh—I sign it?" I asked, surprised. "Of course!" Jack chuckled. I laughed nervously. I grabbed the little piece of pastel and signed my initials. My fingers were covered in black pastel, but I quickly rubbed my hands together to get rid of the coloring.

"You're amazing, Jack!" I said. "Thanks," he said. He was back to drawing. This time he was drawing a little Jewish boy playing with a dreidel. He was always finding the perfect time to draw something. While he wasn't looking, I studied him. I felt someone nudge my arm and I turned to see Tommy hiding his chuckle and Fabrizio waggling his eyebrows, teasingly.

I wasn't sure if I should slap the pair of them silly or just ignore it. Was it that obvious? Oh, dear god please tell me Jack didn't know! _Please!_

Night had fallen a while after. The horizon was no longer and deep orange, but pitch black. Jack, Fabrizio, and I were back in our room. Fabrizio was busy humming something while staring at the ceiling. Jack was busy drawing me. Apparently he caught me in a certain light and he was sucked into the idea that he _must_ draw me! Not that I minded, but I tried to hold back the blushes that were fighting their way up my neck.

"Done," Jack said a while after. "You're good at that. Drawing exquisitely well in such a short amount of time!" I laughed. "Will either of you join me?" Jack asked. "Merci, Mademoiselle!" Jack said in a fake French accent. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Care to join me, anyone?" Jack asked, standing up. "Where?" Fabrizio asked. "Well I'm going to the Boat Deck for a smoke," he said. "Jack, you'll get caught up there! You know you aren't allowed up there!" I scolded. "Come on! Have some fun, Kels!" he teased. "Fine, but only for a little while," I caved. Jack flashed his bright, heart-stopping smile and held out his arm for me.

"Do we have to act like First Class?" I asked, pushing his arm down by his side. He chuckled and said "Nah, but I thought I'd be funny!" "Well, you succeeded now let's go!" I said.

Once at the Boat Deck, Jack stretched his long body across one of the benches. "How do you not choke when you smoke laying down like that?" I laughed. "It's natural I guess," he shrugged. "It shouldn't be but okay, I guess," I scolded. He shrugged it off and stared at the sky above. "There's so many little stars," I said. "Yeah… They are small a—hey! A shooting star!" Jack said. "I wonder who's left us now," I said mostly to myself.

Jack looked at me, and said, "I guess it's best we don't know," and resumed looking up at the stars. I smiled to myself.

I didn't know what time it was, but Jack decided to stay on the Boat Deck, but I was going back. I was tired. "Good night, Jack," I said, nudging his arm with my knee. He chuckled and said, "G'night, Kelsey."

As I was headed back, I was pushed aside by someone. She was crying. She was the girl Jack liked! Oh boy. If she was going past him, he was going to go "Heroic." Well, let's hope she wasn't the next shooting star. As much as I envied her, I didn't wish that punishment on anyone. I couldn't go after her though. I had no idea where she was headed, but I had a hunch.

**A/N: Okay so I did get to post tonight! Yes! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! :D hey if you want updates I'm on twitter (Titanic2011blog) and my website is . com (remove the space!)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I had no idea my website had erased! (Last chapter) here it is: rikkichadwick2011blog .weebly .com (Remove spaces)! Okay: Next chapter!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN TITANIC!**

Fabrizio and I decided to play cards while waiting for Jack… he didn't come back until late. "Where'd you run off to?" I asked as Jack walked in. "Out…" he said calmly. I rolled my eyes, "Seriously, Jack. I'm not your mother… I don't deserve that reply! I was worried you'd fallen overboard!" I said. I was worried. "If you aren't my mother, stop acting like one!" he said a bit irritably. I was taken aback by his remark. My mouth fell open slightly—out of insult not shock.

When I didn't answer, Jack looked over at me. "Sorry, Kel—," "No, Jack. It's fine—_reall y_. I'm tired… I'm gonna get some sleep…" I said. I tried to hide the hurt… But it wasn't working. I climbed into the top bunk across from his and faced the wall, trying to steady my breathing and hide my sobs. I thought it was convincing… But Jack saw right through me. I was one of those people who weren't afraid to express their feelings… I didn't want to make Jack feel bad though so I tried to hide my sobs… But it wasn't something I had experience in doing.

"Kelsey?" Jack asked. He rested his head on the edge of my bunk, and grabbed my arm gently. "I don't want to talk, Jack," I sighed. "I really don't."

I heard him sigh, confused. "What did I do, Kels?" he whispered gently. "Jack, I sa—," "I heard you. I don't want you to be mad at me," he said. I turned to face him. His face was so close, and I was so hypnotized by his scent. I wanted so badly to kiss him full on the mouth right there… But I kept my cool. "Jack—," I began, but I stopped. How the hell could I tell him I was madly and irrevocably in love with him!

"Period…" I lied. His face went from composed to beet red in the matter of seconds. "Oh…" he said. "Yep… Not much else going on," I said, nonchalantly. He rubbed my arm for a second, then went to go lay down on his bunk, under Fabrizio's. I turned to face the wall so I wouldn't be tempted to watch him pull his shirt off.

It wasn't long before I heard the familiar creek of the springs, and the light sigh of exhaustion from across the room before I drifted off into sleep.

"Kels?" I heard, vaguely. I cracked my eyes open slightly to see Jack standing next to my bunk. I rubbed my sleepy eyes. It was still dark out. "What?" I asked blearily. "Are you okay?" he asked. I sat up confused and said, "…Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?" "You were crying… _Really_ crying, Kelsey. Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. I wasn't dreaming… or having a nightmare…

Why was I crying. "I don't remember dreaming," I said bluntly. He looked deep into my eyes to find the truth. But what I said was all truth. There was nothing for him to find. I don't think there was.

I saw his features soften to almost, shocked, but he quickly composed himself. What was he thinking about?

"Well—er—I just wanted to make sure you were okay," he said. "No, Jack I—," The door burst open and the man who slept below me came in drunk, no doubt, with a slightly sober Fabrizio behind him. "Sorry, you two," the other man said. I knew he wasn't. He was holding back laughter at walking in on our "compromising" position; Jack held my arms gently, and the pair of us had deer-in-the-headlights looks on our face, as if we had been caught doing something wrong. Like how children would look if they were caught messing up a room in the house.

"No! No! We weren't—," I tried to say something, but this only made Fabrizio and the other man laugh aloud. Jack and I shared a quick glance. We were both sporting lovely shades of bright pink blushes. "Fabri, we weren't… _Shit_!" Jack mumbled. I gently shook Jack's hands off my arms, wiped my wet eyes, and left the room.

I knew Jack wasn't being mean, not trying to stop them. He was in as much shock as I was… Maybe even more. I walked down the deserted corridors, looking for someone I knew… _Anyone_.

"He's just a bastard," I heard someone say. The voice was familiar, but I couldn't place a face. I walked around the corner. It was the man we'd met the other day. Tommy. He'd caught sight of me, and I prayed to God I hadn't cried enough to let it show.

"Hi, Kelsey," he said. I loved his Irish accent. It was deep, but full of heart. "H-hi," I said, quickly wiping my face. I made it look like sore eyes from being up late… But I knew Tommy saw through my act. He looked back at his friend, in a "We'll talk later" way and walked me around the corner. "Is everything okay?" he asked. "Yeah—everything's—er—everything's fine," I lied. I answered a bit too quickly than I had meant. "It's obvious you aren't," he said gently.

I sighed, hopelessly. "It's Jack! I love him to death—more than a friend—but he's always off with that girl! I don't know what to say to him—and I don't know why I'm telling you all this! We barely know each other!" I sobbed. I was hysterical and I hadn't intended to say it as harshly as it sounded. "It doesn't bother me in the slightest… Unless of course you don't want to talk… You don't have to bottle it all up, lass!" he said. "It'll only hurt you in the end!" he said, rubbing my shoulders comfortingly.

In a way, I knew he was right… And the rest of the night I sat with Tommy and I talked. At least I had someone to talk to… I knew he wouldn't say anything to Jack… Fabrizio wouldn't either, but he wasn't all sober at the moment…

**A/N: Okay this is really funny! I was writing this chapter, and I change the channel to see what's on TV, so I got to channel 38 (ABCFamily) and guess what comes on AS SOON AS I FLIP TO THE CHANNEL? A commercial for Titanic! It's on this Saturday (10/09/11) at 7:30e/6:30p pm! Sorry if that's confusing. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Being home sick is HORRIBLE! The only good thing about it is I get more than enough time to write! :D**

I awoke the next morning, and I hadn't the slightest idea where the hell I woke up. I wasn't alone though. Tommy was propped up against the wall, and I leaning into him. I blushed slightly and carefully moved myself off his chest. I remembered the night before now. We sat and talked, laughed and even had a little to drink, but not enough to give us splitting headaches or hangovers.

I stretched, yawning, before I quietly stood up. Sleeping while sitting up almost perfectly straight does shit to you. My neck was incredibly sore. "Tommy?" I said, nudging his shoulder with my knee. He grumbled sleepily, and it wasn't until my third nudge that he woke up. "Shit!" he said. He was stretching his aching shoulders and neck like I had, except I heard his spine crack a few times—which caused me to shiver slightly.

"I guess we fell asleep," I said, trying to start some sort of conversation. "Yeah, it looks like it, huh?" Tommy laughed. I smiled and said, "Well, we should probably go get ready for breakfast, or the others will get worried," I said. Tommy nodded and left for his room.

I thought back to the night before. I wish Fabrizio and the other one had walked in on Jack and I, _together_. Not just two friends making sure one is okay, but to the pair of us together. I wish Jack and I could be together, but we don't choose who we fall in love with… Unfortunately I'll forever be in love with Jack… and Jack will forever be in love with that girl Rose.

Halfway down the hall I heard, "Hey, Kelsey!" I turned around, and it was Tommy again. "Would you like to go the Third Class party tonight with me?" he asked. He had a lot of courage I'll give him that. He was too the point and I liked it. I didn't have to figure anything out. "Sure, Tommy," I answered. He smiled and said, "Well, I'll see you then!" I nodded and watched as he walked off. There was—I could've sworn—an almost happy _skip_ in his walk all of a sudden.

I walked back to the room I shared with the three men. I was glad upon entering because no one was in there. I locked the door so no one would barge in on me. I undressed myself of yesterday's clothes and threw on new ones. I instantly felt cleaner being rid of my clothes from the previous day.

My hair was in knots unfortunately, that would take a while to cure. My brown hair was always unruly and frizzy. My bushy hair could be mistakened for a mop right now. I felt slightly embarrassed but brushed it aside. We couldn't all look like a million bucks, now could we? I ran the brush through my quite quickly, and flinched every now and then when the brush pulled at my knots, and pulled from my scalp.

After what felt like an hour, I was ready. I almost dreaded seeing Fabrizio and Jack. Not because I was mad at them, but because I was embarrassed about last night. I just hope Fabrizio was drunk enough that he'd forgotten.

He did, much to my surprise. I was quite grateful for it. I sat down next to Jack and across from Tommy—diagonal of Fabrizio. "Where were you all night, Kels?" Jack whispered. I shivered realizing how close his lips were to my neck. "Um… I was with Tommy… We were talking for a while and we fell asleep," I said, trying not to stutter. Jack searched my face, and I refused to meet his eyes. He nodded and returned his attention to his breakfast.

"Jack… C-can I talk to you?" I asked. He nodded. "_Alone_…?" I prompted. He nodded again, realizing I wanted to go somewhere else.

He followed me down a long hallway and the whole time, my heart was about to explode. I was nervous. I hadn't figured out _what_ I wanted to talk about. I stopped abruptly, and I blushed furiously when Jack had accidently ran into me. He cleared his throat, and took a step back. I blushed, and kept my face away from his until the heat in my face died down. I sighed lightly and pondered on the thought "_What would I say_?"

"Jack… I… About last night—," I began. "That's not what you were gonna say, Kelsey. Come on, spit it out," he said, looking straight into my eyes. My lower lip quivered incredibly, and I tried my hardest to keep from crying, but it wasn't working. I let my tears fall freely, unable to stop them, and Jack could see the hurt behind the tears.

He cupped my face gently and looked deep into my eyes. "Kelsey? What's wrong?" he asked. I looked at his face, gasping for breath between sobs, but I couldn't answer him. "_Nothing!_" I practically shouted. He looked confused by my sudden mood swing.

I tried my best to contain myself, but it wasn't working either. "_Nothing_ is wrong with me! I'm _perfectly_ fine, Jack! _Perfectly_ fine!" I yelled. Everyone who passed by gave me an odd look, but I didn't care. All I cared about was getting a freaking message through Jack's thick skull! He just didn't get it! He just didn't get that _I_ was jealous of Rose. He didn't get that _I_ wished I was Rose, for Lord's sake!

I gently grabbed my wrists to calm me down and I knew he didn't get it at all. I ripped my wrists free of his gentle grip, and stalked off. I felt like dying. Anything that would make this heartache go away, I'd do at this point.

Jack just didn't get it… I don't think he ever would.

_You just don't understand…_

**A/N: Well? How did you like it? I can't believe the last time I updated this story! I was just dying to work on Missing Link and Skipping Stones…**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I really need to update this story, so this one first! And to Big Fan: I read your review for Chapter 4 and I cried! Your reviews always make me cry because they're always so sweet! :D I'll sit there at the computer reading them, and I'll be crying and my mom goes, 'Why are you crying?' and I'll ignore her and she'll just like walk away! Haha so thank you for the lovely review and thank you everyone else for your lovely reviews you!**

I walked the Boat Deck, wiping at the salty tears. I was getting disgusted looks because I was on the First Class Boat Deck. No one had escorted me yet. I closed my eyes, stopping all moment. I took a few deep breaths, and evened my breathing before opening my eyes again.

_Pull yourself out of the gutter Kelsey! Tommy asked you to the party tonight and you're gonna have a great time! _I mentally said. I didn't feel any better by it, but I forced calm.

Part of me wanted to go back and apologize to Jack, but another part of me told me I'd only feel worse. Why? I had no idea why I'd feel worse? Maybe I'd look at something I could never have… I was only over thinking now. I was putting more weight on my shoulders than needed.

"Miss? I'll have to escort you off the First Class section," said a man. I recognized him. "Mr. Andrews, sir?" I asked, not believing my eyes. "I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever run into you on this ship," I said. "Ah, I'm out and about," he said. "Well, I'll be heading back, sir," I said. I shook his hand and walked off.

Of course, I had many questions to ask him about his time at Harland and Wolff, and the ship, but I didn't. I walked off the Boat Deck, to the section designated for Third Class. I wished they hadn't done that particular set up, but they did. I had heard from so many that the Third Class on Titanic, was First Class on other ships! At least it wasn't all unfair.

I closed my eyes once at the Third Class section of the Boat Deck, and let the smell of sea salt fill my nostrils. The wind blew through my hair, and all the while, I felt like I was on top of the world. Queen of it all, and no one to put an end to my joy. But that wasn't true.

I opened my eyes, and looked around. I was alone. No one was out here to be with me… I wished Jack was out here with me. I felt bad though. I wanted Jack. Jack wanted Rose. Tommy wanted me. Neither one of us could have what we wanted. Maybe not. Maybe we could.

I felt conflicted. I suddenly liked Tommy, but I loved Jack. I liked Tommy because he was there for me when I needed someone to talk to. I loved Jack because he was with me my whole life. Tommy liked me because I had opened up. Jack liked Rose because she was something he couldn't have. Why was life so confusing?

I began to make my way back to our stay room. I just hoped I would be the only one when I got there.

I wasn't. When I entered, I wanted to turn around and leave. The last person on earth I wanted to see at that moment was there. Jack.

"Kelsey?" he asked. I knew he was still a bit confused about before. "Jack," I greeted, slightly nodding my head. I took a deep breath and moved to my bunk for my rucksack. I was just going to pretend to look for something.

"Kelsey, I know what you're doing," he said nonchalantly. "Do you?" I asked, slightly harsh. He sighed heavily, and slid his hand down his face. I was glad he was able to hold his calm. Usually he didn't do so well with that.

"Kelsey, what's wrong with you? Ever since we got on board you haven't been… _you_. You're yes then no. Happy then pissed! I'm getting whiplash here!" he said, crossing the small space to stand in front of me. "I—," I couldn't answer him. What could I say?

"I don't want to talk, Jack," I answered flatly. "Well, Kelsey, I do," he said almost in a whisper. This felt like one of those scenes you read about where the couple in an argument kissed right after, but that wasn't this situation.

"Please, Kelsey… Help me," he said, grabbing my wrists. I looked in his eyes, and I wished secretly that this was one of those moments where the guy would lean in to kiss the girl and make it all better… But it wasn't.

"I just can't, Jack," I said, removing my wrists from his hold. He sighed heavily and took a step back. I felt the pull in my stomach that made me want to throw up. I could've told him there but what different would it make? It could possible end our friendship.

"I'm going to the Boat Deck. I'm not hungry. Don't follow me," I said lightly, closing the door as I left. I knew I had left him frustrated, but I was frustrated too. And conflicted.

I wish life came with an option. Everyone was different. Some liked the struggle, while other didn't. Some were in between. But if we had the option… Wouldn't we get bored? Everyone loves a challenge, then there are days we just want to be lazy and press that "easy" button we wish existed.

I just wish I knew how to tell him…

But I didn't.

**A/N: How'd you like it? ;D I wrote this chapter alone… My sister is really bugging me right now.. Freaking iTunes won't open. Mine didn't for a few days and hers hasn't worked for two hours… I WAITED FOREVER and she can't even wait TWO HOURS! Ugh! Siblings are so freaking irritating sometimes! :( **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This is NOT the last chapter I decided, but it's over… 3,000 words maybe 4,000? Enjoy!**

I didn't actually go to the Boat Deck to stay there… I was just walking around, enduring the glares from First Class as I scuffed my feet along the deck floors.

_Why don't you understand, Jack? I've been as obvious as possible haven't I? No._

I rested my face in my hands, sighing heavily. I just want to be with Jack… Just Jack, Fabrizio and myself. Why couldn't I have just that? If I went back to apologize, something tells me he still wouldn't get it. Maybe he would. But I didn't want to risk it.

I slowly made my way back to the stay room, so that I could sleep for the afternoon. My head was pounding and I didn't want to deal with anything. I scuffed back to our room, and I was glad when I found it empty. Maybe I could slip in some sleep…

"_Kelsey, why won't you tell me what's wrong?" Jack asked me. "Because, Jack… I just don't want to," I said flatly. I didn't bother looking up. I pretended to be interested in the patterns on my quilt. "Kelsey, will you look at me?" Jack asked. It wasn't harsh, but I could tell her was frustrated. "I can't, Jack," I said. I said it in such an innocently low voice, I sounded like I was crying. _

_He crossed the small room and pulled my down from my bunk gently so that I stood in front of him. "Kelsey, I want you to tell me… Please," he said, giving me his best 'hurt puppy' look. I almost caved—_Almost_. But I didn't. "I just can't, Jack, and if you were in my shoes, you'd know why," I said lightly, looking into his sad blue eyes._

_He sighed and said, "Then tell me why… But tell me in a way that you can without really telling me," he said gently. I entwined his fingers with mine, and I felt my heart stop. I took a deep breath, and said, "There's someone… I love him… But I can't have him," I said. He looked into my bright emerald eyes. He could see the sadness behind the mask I'd worn in my eyes. _

"_I want to tell you more, Jack, I do… But I just can'," I said. He looked at me, our fingers still entwined. "Why?" he asked me gently. It was almost a hushed whisper, and it made my skin tingle in that comforting way…_

"_Because, I'm afraid," I whispered back. I wanted to kiss him incredibly, but I knew I couldn't. I felt my breathing stop entirely, because it was just the two of us… It was the perfect dream… The perfect reality that I couldn't have…_

"_You can tell me anything, Kelsey… You know that, don't you?" he asked me, gently searching my teary, emerald eyes for assurance. But I just couldn't give him such hope… If I could tell him anything… Would I be standing here crying right now? No…_

_But I had to lie… To make him feel somewhat better… "I know, Jack…"_

I opened my eyes, and I knew it was near sunset. Jack and Fabrizio would be returning before dinner. But I decided I should go look for them…

I had found Fabrizio with Helga, and they seemed to be busy in conversation, so I let them be. I was in search of Jack.

I searched everywhere I could think of… And I couldn't find him. I frowned, realizing he was probably sneaking around on the First Class deck… He was going to get in trouble… But I had spotted him… He was following someone… But I didn't know who.

"Jack?" I asked, once he and the woman had walked past me. They were busy discussing something, so I wasn't insulted that Jack hadn't noticed me. "Oh, hey Kelsey!" he said. "Where are you going?" I asked, trying to sound normal, but failing. Jack didn't notice… But I could tell the woman next to him noticed my forced tone.

"This is Molly Brown, Kels. She's helping me for tonight," he said. "Tonight?" I asked. "Oh! I have been meaning to tell you! I was invited to a First Class dinner tonight!" he said. My heart dropped into my stomach. "O-oh, well, have fun," I said. "Hon, why don't you come with? I mean, Jack here could use a second opinion," Molly said. I knew she could see through my "calmness".

I nodded, glad someone was finally helping me out here.

We had arrived at Molly's state room, and I gasped noticing the room was _huge!_ It was all so… _First Class_! Everything was neat, and the room was spacey. Jack laughed as my jaw hung open slightly. "Definitely different, huh?" Jack asked me. I nodded, mouth still agape. Molly laughed and said, "Yep. Definitely not like Third Class is it?" I shook my head, still speechless.

"Follow me, Jack. The suit is packed away, I just have to get it," Molly said, leading him into the next room. There was a _next_ room! There were _three_ rooms! I walked around the parlor, just looking. Everything was so pristine and neat! And nothing was crammed in one corner!

"Hon, come on in here for a moment!" Molly called from the bedroom. I walked in the room and was amazed! It was different from the parlor, but just as neat! "You and my son are just about the same size!" Molly said, fixing the back of the suit jacket. Jack fixed the front and said, "Pretty close!" I smiled, thinking about how good he looked in the suit. He went from Jack Dawson, to _Mr._ Jack Dawson. I felt so out of place suddenly. I wore slightly tattered and far from stain-free clothes, and he looked like a million bucks!

Molly left the room for a moment, and Jack turned toward me. "Well? How do I look?" he asked, gesturing toward the jacket and pants. I sighed, gathering my thoughts. I didn't want to come off sounding disappointed or hurt. "Great, Jack… But I don't think you should go," I said, nervously playing with the sleeve of my dress.

He gave me a questioning look. "It's just that—well, we aren't them, Jack," I said. It was a stupid answer and I had no idea where it came from. He still looked confused. "For God's sake, Jack! I just don't think you should go!" I said, hiding my face from his view. It came off a bit more desperate than I had hoped for. "But, Kelsey, think about it. They're probably not going to ask me again. I mean, how many times am I going to save someone from jumping overboard?" he asked. "And besides… I'm only going to see Rose," he said, smiling. That hurt me deeply. I knew he had a love for the girl… The girl that I wasn't.

I didn't see a point in arguing—discussing—anymore. "You look good, Jack. Have fun tonight," I said, leaving the room. He was still smiling brightly. Why couldn't I get through his thick head? I liked him—loved him even! The Irish Third Class Party began in a half hour. I didn't feel up to going, but maybe it would take my mind off Jack. And I couldn't just blow off Tommy. God, it was so conflicting!

I felt like crying as I walked back to our stay room. No one was there. That was good. At least I'd have some time to myself… I wasn't going to cry. I didn't think I was going to cry.

I decided to freshen up a little for the party. _You and Tommy are going to have a good time tonight! Don't let some stupid event get you down!_ I thought. I had to pull myself together! I wanted Tommy to have a good night, even if I couldn't.

Maybe there was just some way out of all this? Jump off the ship? Hide somewhere no one would find me? I was so helpless right now it was worth crying over! For God's sake! I didn't understand why no one got what I was implying! Sure Tommy did and I felt horrible that he liked me, because he knew I loved Jack… And it was amazing that he'd even attempted asking me out tonight, considering what he knew!

Was Tommy trying to help me? Maybe he was trying to help me get over Jack! Generally I knew Jack couldn't be mine, but mentally, I couldn't accept it. It hurt in so many ways, and yet, I did nothing—physically—to stop it. To stop the emotions and the hurt. I told myself I was powerless when honestly, I didn't want to get in the way of fate! Maybe this was just some phase where I felt trapped. Would I ever get over it?

I had to stop thinking! I was going to kill myself this way… Jack had Rose, and in some way I had Tommy. And I was glad I had someone who _wanted_ to help! It was the greatest feeling and the most confusing!

I looked in the small mirror on the wall in back of the room. I could see it. The hurt. It was plain in my eyes, but I easily masked it, after taking a deep breath to calm myself before I let it all out of hand. Tonight was going to be fun! No matter what.

I walked into the Third Class promenade. Music played, jolly and all, and I searched for one person. Tommy. I knew Jack wasn't here. He was busy with the First Class society currently. I sighed, making sure I was clear of all negative emotion, before continuing through the room.

I looked around, but I didn't see Tommy. I saw Fabrizio, but once again, he was busy with Helga. I liked Helga. She was sweet, and she seemed just right for Fabri.

"Hey, Kelsey!" I heard. The voice wasn't far behind and it was all too familiar. I smiled, and turned to face the voice. "Hello, Tommy! I was looking for you!" I said over the loud music. There were people—drunk and sober—chatting noisily. "I saw you as soon as I entered the room," he said into my ear. I blushed slightly, and smiled at him. It was a true smile too. It wasn't forced.

"Hey Tommy! Come on!" said Fabrizio across the room. There were a bunch of men seated at the table and I knew they wanted to arm wrestle. Tommy looked at me as if expecting me to refuse. "Go on, Tommy! It's a party! I'll come with if you like," I said, pulling him by the wrist. He chuckled at me, but followed. I practically pushed him into his seat as if forcing him to have fun, but he only laughed and rested his elbow on the table and waited for the other man to grab his hand so they could begin their wrestle. I smiled. It was quite funny watching two strong men go red in the face from struggle. I walked away for a moment to grab a drink. I never had a drink before, but it was a party and I was willing.

I took a sip, and I was surprised it wasn't strong. It was almost… Flavorless. The air was warm, but if you were Tommy, hell, you were dying of heat! At least he had a drink at the table, because he was going to need it! I watched. It was going to be a good night, and nothing would ruin it! I was stuck to the idea, and it made me feel happy inside. It made me feel something inside that I hadn't felt in a long time.

Tommy had finally beaten the man. Of course the other man wasn't very happy with losing, and he got up, yelling some words in Italian. I knew he was cursing. I'd listened to Fabrizio for two years! The man who we roomed with, Bjorn, was up next. I knew this was going to take a while. Both men were just about equally strong. I watched as Bjorn yelled back to someone else. I didn't understand it, but Fabrizio did because he was laughing.

I rolled my eyes laughing. Both Tommy and Bjorn were both red in the face now, struggling to push the other man's hand down. I thought it was quite funny, and Tommy smiled at the sound of my laugh. Bjorn smirked at his smitten action. "sembra che abbiamo avuto noi stessi una agganciato!" Bjorn said to the man behind him. The man behind him just doubled over in laughter. Fabrizio winked at me, and I knew instantly what Bjorn had said. I blushed, but took another sip of my drink to hide my face, but all the people who understood Bjorn, were looking at me and Tommy with an amused expression. "What?" I asked, laughing. They all returned to the arm wrestling before them.

It was past 9 pm now, and the party was still going strong! People were up and dancing now, and more and more men were falling down drunk, before continuing their drinking. I just laughed at them. They were gonna wake up with a horrible hang over in the morning, but it was worth it. We Third Class don't joke when it comes to fun!

Fabrizio and I danced like maniacs while I let Tommy finish his arm wrestling. Helga danced with Cora, and Cora, as young as she was, wasn't distracted by the drinking or swearing. She was just young an innocent. She didn't have much to worry about yet. Lucky her! 

The song ended, and I returned to Tommy's side. He was getting beat now! He had finally called it quits and finished his drink before grabbing another one.

Tommy sat next to me, and finished his second drink. "That's healthy," I said laughing. He chuckled, nearly spitting out the beer he hadn't yet swallowed. "Ey, you try wrestling men stronger than you," he laughed. "Why does it have to be _men_?" I asked. I saw his eyes soften a little, and I knew he thought he'd insulted me. "Not that I take it personally," I added quickly. "But I was just wondering," I finished. He looked at me for a moment, and said "It just came to my mind first… So, are you having a good time?" he asked. "I'm having a great time," I answered and it was honest. It was one of the best nights of my life!

Until, I saw Jack enter… Accompanied by the last person I wanted to see right now. Rose. I sighed, pretending I didn't see them, and continued drinking. I knew Tommy had seen them and I saw, from the corner of my eye, he was checking to make sure I hadn't seen them. But I decided to be honest. "I see Jack's arrived," I said, forcing nonchalance. "Yep," Tommy said, not really know what to say.

The rest of the night, I put the pair out of my mind, and spent the night with Tommy. I decided around 11, that before I got drunk, I would go back to the stay room.

I awoke the next morning, with a slight headache. Okay, so I got somewhat drunk, but it wasn't enough to not make it back to my room virgin. I yawned, sitting up. Fabrizio was asleep in his bunk, Jack in his, but Bjorn… well he hadn't come back. I guessed he either got lucky, or he passed out in the Third Class promenade.

I quietly got down from my bunk, and dressed. I was glad no one walked in and that neither Jack or Fabrizio woke up. I shut the door quietly behind me and walked to breakfast. They could catch up later.

After I'd eaten—I sat with Cora and Mr. and Mrs. Cartmell—I walked around the Third Class boat deck, watching as the seagulls flew overhead. Gabbiano was my favorite Italian word. I loved seagulls. Fabrizio never called them "seagull" and so he would say "Gabbiano". I inhaled the strong smell of sea salt. It made me feel at home. When I was young, before smallpox had killed my parents, they would take me to the beaches for the afternoon and we'd sit in the surf and watch the seagulls. We'd watch the waves and people. But those memories were gone. Now I was on the sea. It was completely different.

I conversed with some of the other people on the deck and one man had even taught me how to play dreidel. I think that was what it was called… I'd forgotten the name. The little boy was the one who taught me how, and the man was the one who had helped out the little boy. I remember when my father taught me cribbage. I loved the game. It was over a few hundred years old, but it was a great game!

Maybe I'd teach the boys later… I wanted something to do today besides walking the decks… Today was going to be exciting… Different… I could feel it!

**A/N: Now I found this funny! Big Fan, I loved your review! I was crying once again! And I was thinking about what you said! That I'm a genius when writing, so get this: I've never **_**liked**_** someone in that way! And I think my knowledge about all this comes from the reading I do! I love to read and absorb the text, and I guess it sticks and what happens is when I write, I picture it! And it makes it a lot easier to clarify mentally and to put it into words and allow you all to read it! And it may sound somewhat confusing right now, but in shorter terms, most of my writing has **_**nothing**_** to do with any of my real life experiences. It's weird how I work with things… :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Whoa! Long time since I updated this one! Okay so I know I said I'd update "Cry" but I bit off more than I could chew—and I HATE admitting it, but I have no choice! So sorry about that, but I hope you enjoy this chapter! And I also decided (I don't have much ideas for this chapter) so it won't be the last chapter! :D**

I searched the decks for Jack and Fabrizio but the hell if I knew where they were! They couldn't still be sleeping… Well, Fabrizio maybe, considering he was out all night, but Jack? I walked back to the stay room and I frowned upon entering. Fabrizio was out like a damn bulb… But Jack was gone…

I bet I knew where he was and it wasn't breakfast! I stalked out of the room trying my hardest not to the slam the door into the next century. I walked down the long corridors before I ran into Cora. She was always with Jack… Maybe she knew!

"Cora?" I asked. The little curly, brown-haired girl turned to face me. She had to crane her neck to look up at me! "Aunty Kelsey!" she cried happily, running to hug my knees. She almost knocked me over, but I only laughed. "Hey kiddo," I heard a voice. It was Jack. I felt my insides go slightly watery. It was out of relief. Relief because I didn't ask Cora where Jack was in front of him—and because he was just close behind me.

"Hey Kels… I got up this morning and you'd left—where'd you go?" he asked me, picking Cora up so she was eye-level with him. "Just… out," I said. His expression dropped a bit, but he regained his composure and said, "Oh… well I was looking for you," he said. "Funny… I was looking for you, too," I said. At least I wouldn't sound crazy for looking for him!

I saw his eyes light up a bit more, and he seemed to forget Cora was there for a moment until she began pulling his hair for his attention. "Sorry, Cora," he said. "Are you two together?" Cora asked, hope lighting up her hazel eyes. I almost choked. Was I that obvious?

Jack looked at Cora and said, "As friends… But not like your mom and dad," he said. Cora nodded, but I could still the hope lighting up her little eyes. I smiled, and I was glad I didn't laugh. I wanted to say "If only," but I didn't want to hurt Jack… Considering he had no bloody idea that I was irrevocably in love with the man!

Cora whispered something into Jack's ear and I saw him chuckle lightly. He placed Cora on the floor and took her hand, leading her into the dining room where her parents were most likely waiting for her. I followed them, because I really had nothing else to do.

It wasn't long before Fabrizio came to join Jack, Mr. and Mrs. Cartmell, Cora and I. He looked very sleepy, and I was a hundred percent sure he was sleep walking, but as it turned out… He wasn't.

He was very funny discombobulated. But I watched Jack. Everytime he mentioned Rose's name, his eyes got a sort of… _glow_ to them. His blue eyes were almost _vivid._ They actually looked like they were glowing.

It made my insides turn uncomfortably and I did all I could to just spilling my thoughts. They weren't an insult to Rose… Just thoughts of envy.

Rose didn't realize how lucky she was to have him… Because he wasn't mine to have… I knew how grateful I was to even be his friend! A family friend at that! I'd met his family and I was there to run away with him when they died. I'd been with him through so much, I'd seen him cry, and he'd seen me cry and it was hard to _not_ fall in love with him. I knew more about him than anyone ever would. I just wish that was a good enough reason.

Jack was that one wish you wanted so bad… but you'd already used the first three you were granted. And the other wishes were suddenly meaningless. If you could have anything with those three wishes… they should be something you _really_ wanted. Don't neglect the most obvious choice… You never knew how bad you wanted something until you were told you couldn't have it…

You didn't realize how bad you wanted something when it wasn't yours to begin with. Jack belonged to Rose… Jack belonged to Art… Jack belonged to anything… Anything but me…

"Kelsey?" someone asked me. It was Cora. I hadn't realized I zoned out until they were all staring at me. "Y-yes?" I asked. "Everything alright?" Mrs. Cartmell asked me. "Yeah… Everything's fine," I lied. I knew my physical actions deceived my words, and I knew everyone saw through it… Everyone but Jack.

It sucked a lot to know men didn't understand a damn thing about woman and woman didn't understand one freaking thing about men! If only we could read their thoughts… But where would the privacy be in that?

There were so many things you could wish for… Like the ability to hear others thoughts, and other hear yours… We only wished for these things because we ignored the thoughts that told us "But what about this…?" or "Yeah, but what would happen if…?"

We just didn't think our plans through. This was probably the reason why everything we did always ended less than perfect…

We didn't think…

If you did… Great… but you'd have a splitting headache like I do now…

But I was only thinking of the pros and cons.

I was thinking like the authorities and the victims of some crime.

There was always a "Yes" and a "What if…?"

There was no "Yeah, it'll always work out!"

Please… Life was so overrated sometimes...

**A/N: So? Sorry I know I said this would be the last chapter but I just don't know how to end this all yet! To be honest I don't want to yet! :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I'm only updating this one tonight because I had a lot of homework, I'm done now and to Big Fan the words "Your arms are my castle…" and so on are lyrics! :D they are from the song "Everytime We Touch" by Cascada you should check it out!**

Jack, Fabrizio, and I said our goodbyes to the Cartmells and began walking back to our stay room. "So what were you thinking about?" he asked me. "What?" I asked. I honestly hadn't a clue what he meant. "Before during breakfast? It seemed like something was really bothering you…" Jack explained. "Oh… No it was nothing," I lied, not turning my head to look at his face. I knew he was watching me, but I kept my head forward.

Why did he have to make me so uncomfortable? I mean whenever he looked at me… He just really didn't get it and if he did… He wouldn't have had to ask such a painful—for me—question.

"Kelsey…" he trailed off. "Jack, I've told you before. If I want to talk to you, I will… I just don't want to talk to anyone about _this_ right now," I said a bit harsher than I had hoped. He looked like he was about to press on, and I was surprised he did.

"Kelsey, you know you can't hide this… whatever _it _is… I'm completely lost over here! I want you to tell me! But I can't make you…" he said, trying his best not to flip out. I sighed helplessly. "I can't," I said sadly. I squeezed his eyes shut as if forcing the pain of a headache to dull away, but I knew he was mentally counting. It wasn't keeping him calm unfortunately.

"DAMMIT, KELSEY!" he yelled, slamming his fist into one of the walls. I was just grateful he didn't put a hole through it. He didn't even dent it. I jumped at the sound though. My eyes were probably bigger than the moon right now. "You obviously don't notice much, do you, Jack?" I snapped, speeding up toward our room. Why hadn't we gotten there already dammit?

He grabbed my arm, roughly but almost gently too. He spun me around so I was facing him. I knew he wouldn't dare hurt me. Jack may have lost his temper easily, but he never got physically violent with a lady. He stared into my eyes, and I wished I could take back all my "I can't's," but I couldn't.

"Kelsey, I'll _ask_ you for the last time, tell me what's wrong?" he asked. His voice was gentle but harsh. I looked into his eyes and sighed. "I—," "You can," he snapped. I burst into tears and I could see his gaze go from harsh and demanding to gentle and caring. He suddenly realized just how sensitive I was to this confusing topic.

I wiped at my eyes quickly, but it was no use. He released me and I began running. I didn't care who I shoved past right now. I needed to go somewhere. Somewhere I could just cry. Somewhere I could hide. Maybe if I was lucky… I'd never be found again…

I just ran, looking for someplace. It was ship and there were only so many places one could hide. It was harder for Third Class considering we were excluded from almost every part of this ship!

The sky was an orange, the clouds purple and pink. I'd finally stopped crying… I looked like a freaking clown! My face was all red and my eyes were bright pink from all the crying. I didn't want such a breakdown to occur… But I was provoked and pushed toward the edge. I thought of jumping ship, but even I knew that wouldn't solve a damn thing… Only make the situation worse.

I got up from my hiding place—behind a few boilers up on the First Class boat deck—and rubbed at my already sore eyes. I sighed miserably and decided I was just going to go back to my stay room. "Kelsey?" I heard a voice. I turned around.

_Rose?_

"Yes?" I said, just as miserably as I felt. "Jack told me how you were feeling…" she said. _Yeah, didn't see that one coming_, I thought. I knew deep down I didn't mean to think these things… I just couldn't help it. It was the envy talking, not me.

I laughed almost evilly. I could see she ignored my burst of laughter. "I think I know why… Even if Jack doesn't," she said. "Of course you would… Everyone _but_ Jack does!" I practically yelled. She grabbed my hand gently, but I ripped my hand free of her grasp. _Why am I acting so… heartless? She obviously wants to talk!_ I thought, hating myself more than ever.

"I'm sorry," I said weakly. She nodded but said, "You love Jack."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement of pure truth.

I sighed. "Yeah… I do… more than anything else," I said, rubbing my, once again, wet eyes. She walked up to me. "I'm sorry if I made you feel… jealous or anything. It took me a while that night at the Party to realize why you were always staring at Jack… I feel really stupid saying this but I do love Jack too, and if fate were any other way, I'd let you have him…" she said. "Why would you feel stupid saying that?" I asked. "Well… because… Gosh, I don't want you to think I'm just saying this stuff… I honestly mean if fate were any other way I'd give you Jack," she said.

"I wish I could say the same but it just hurts so much to think he doesn't even know! I mean, I want to say I'm happy you and Jack are together, but honestly… I don't… It hurts, but I'll heal," I said. Rose nodded her head.

"Go on, Rose," I said. "Jack's probably waiting for you," I said. She rubbed my left shoulder comfortingly before walking off.

Maybe I'd be okay… At least Rose didn't tell me to stay away from him… anyone else would've I bet. Anyone else…

I would be okay… I'd still love Jack…

But I'd be alive, and okay, and perhaps even satisfied.

I still had Tommy!

**A/N: So? I know I say that in every author's note! But I just love to hear what you guys have to say! I don't really mind if I get reviews or not! :D They're appreciated but not necessary! :) I hope you all enjoyed the story!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Like most Friday afternoons to Sunday evenings, I was at my grandmother's house so I'm really sorry about all the waiting! But here ya'll are! A nice long chapter! This **_**is**_** the last chapter, I'm sure about it this time and it is Rated "M" but FOR LANGUAGE! Just a warning for those of you who are not any older than say…. 13? 14? You have been warned and it's not my fault if you choose to neglect this! Thanks guys! And thanks for all the reviews I've been getting for ALL my stories! :D**

I still had Tommy…

Where was he? I felt horrible suddenly realizing I still _wanted_ Jack. I knew Tommy wanted me to love _him_ but I didn't love him the way I loved Jack. It made me sound so… Cruel. Something inside me made me wish I loved Tommy… But the want for Jack overpowered it…

I was absolutely conflicted. Conflicted _beyond_ repair! I tried to think about _only_ Tommy… but I just couldn't. I walked up the stairs that lead to the Grand Staircase hall. First Class was just finished with breakfast and were attending the church. The Navy Hymn was playing. "…to spread abroad the firmament!" the large group sang. It sounded like a serenade of the angels. Voice deep and high clashing. It was beautiful, but I couldn't stick around long… I could see the stewards already paying me close attention. At night, they were always… stricter.

As Ii walked away, I sang in my head to the very last line, "Save all who dare the eagle's flight! And hear me when I cry to thee, for those in the peril on the sea!" The Navy Hymn was deep and meaningful—to me at least. I wish I knew where Jack was… I knew he was with Rose, but I wanted to know where. I should just look for Tommy.

I was immediately snapped out of my thoughts when I hit the tile flooring below. "Please excuse me, Miss," said a voice. I looked up as the man offered his hand to me. I grabbed it and said, "Oh, yes, sir," brushing the dust off the skirt of my dress. "You aren't hurt?" he asked, quickly picking up a couple of papers. "No, not at all, Mr. Andrews," I said. He smiled ."Well that's good to hear! Again, forgive me. I was very into my notes there for a moment! I didn't see you," he apologized. "It's fine, I assure you, Mr. Andrews, sir. I was a bit… lost in my thoughts," I laughed.

"A lot on your mind?" he asked me, offering me his arm. I took his arm and said, "You have no idea," laughing. He chuckled and said, "Probably not, but I'd be willing to listen. Of course this is our second time meeting and I don't expect you to open up to me, but if you are willing to, I'd be willing to listen."

I smiled. He was babbling, but I think it was just because he didn't really know what I wanted or what to say. "Thank you, sir, that's very kind. Unfortunately, I'm not one to talk much," I said as politely as possible. "There's no shame in that," he said. "Do forgive me for asking, Miss, but what is it you were doing up here?" he asked me. "Oh well, you know as I said, my thoughts got a bit out of hand. Sometimes I just walk… You know, without a solid destination in mind. I mean I had one… But it obviously is below decks," I explained.

"Maybe I know the passenger? I assume it's a passenger?" he asked me. "Yes, sir, but no. You don't know him," I said. "You know one of them," I began. "Just not the one I have in mind," I finished. He nodded. "May I have a look at your notes, sir? I understand if you say no… but you did seem very… what's the word? 'Absorbed'," I said. He chuckled. "Of course! They're more notes than anything else," he said.

I looked at the sketches of the bow and stern and the rooms in the ship. "Did you design these when you were working in Belfast?" I asked. "You know quite a bit about me, Miss," he chuckled. "Well, I…" I trailed off. "I'm enthralled with your work, sir. You see, I've been hoping to run into you. I may sound a bit silly for saying this, but I have a bunch of questions," I said. I felt like a squealing school girl inside. I mean I was learning more about the ship from the builder than I probably ever would've had I never _ran_ into him!

"I'd be obliged to answer," he said. "Well, as I skim through your notes, it seems there was a fire the second day aboard… Boiler room 6? Have you any idea what caused it?" I asked. "Unfortunately no. Lucky, we were, that a steward caught the fire before we lost control of it. I've had some staff keep an eye out in there and make sure nothing happens like that again. They've been observing the damage," he said.

I skimmed through the notes some more. "They're very neat for someone with such a responsibility," I commented. He chuckled to himself and said, "Thank you."

"I see the forward hull needs some repairs," I noticed. "Ah yes," he said. "More lifeboats?" I asked. "I have been planning on installing new davits on the boat deck," Mr. Andrews explained. "How many are aboard, the life boats?" I asked, handing him back his notebook. "Twenty, Miss. I planned on forty-eight, but some feared that the deck of Titanic would look messy," he said. "The ship is about ninety feet wide, sir, so how could it possible look cluttered? I mean even with the buildings, there is still room," I said. "You really do know this ship as well as I, don't you?" he chuckled. "Please, sir. I'll never know that much! But I am very familiar with the ship," I answered.

"How many decks?" he asked. "Nine," I said just as quickly. "Floors?" he asked me. "A-G," I smirked. He chuckled before continuing. "Length of the ship," he said. I said, "Over 880 meters, sir." "You do know the ship," he accused, smiling. His smile was warm and it was like the smile of a father.

"Wireless operator?" he asked me. "You should know I'm going to answer about all of these, Mr. Andrews," I laughed. "You aren't answering… It gives me the idea you have no idea," he teased. "Jack Phillips," I answered. "Happy?" I laughed.

"Satisfied," Mr. Andrews answered. "Well, Miss—," "Please, Mr. Andrews. Call me Kelsey," I said quickly. "Kelsey," he corrected. "It's almost time I get back. May I walk you back to your stay room?" he asked me. "No, no, si—," "Thomas," he corrected me. "Thomas. I appreciate it, but I'll let you get to your work. I'm in search of a friend, so I will go my way and you, yours. You are much too busy to put anything aside," I said, gesturing toward his notebook.

He smiled at me and before leaving, he wished me luck on my search. "Thank you, si—er, Thomas," I said. He nodded his head in appreciation and walked off. I turned to go back to the Grand Staircase but realized we were in a First Class corridor. We must have talked for a while because I had no idea where I was. Maybe if I just memorized the map in my head. The one in his notebook.

Okay, the corridors didn't really wind around. There were back passages, but they didn't help me. They were for crew only. There were a few stairways around the decks.

Once I'd found my way back to the third class floor, people were filling in for dinner. I looked around the group of people in search for Tommy. But I didn't see him. I sighed realizing I wasn't going to find him anytime soon. I continued to look around in search of Tommy.

I spotted his blond curly hair after a few moments of searching. "Tommy!" I called. "Tommy!" but he didn't hear me. The meal hall was crowded, and very loud. "TOMMY!" I yelled, using all my voice. Finally he turned around. His frown quickly morphed into a smile. It was a smile that _almost_ split his face in two.

"Kelsey!" he said. He pulled me into a hug and I rested me my head against his chest. I was ecstatic that finally I'd found him.

"I've been look—,"

There was a faint screech that drew nearer and nearer before fading away. But it was like metal against a chalkboard. Horribly screeching.

The ship began to shake, but it was very small, the movement. "What was that?" I asked, taking a step back from Tommy. "I don't know," he said, looking around. Everyone was just as confused as the pair of us. Tommy grabbed my hand and said, "Come on."

I knew he was taking me to the boat deck. "Tommy, we aren't allowed up there!" I said. "Doesn't stop you now does it?" he asked. "Besides they won't even notice us!" he finished.

I saw down the corridor, a line of people… yelling.

"Wait! Wait!" I said. Tommy stopped in front of me. "What is it?" he asked me, looking into my eyes, confused. "Why are all those people over there?" I asked, pointing to the crowd.

"Oh, shit!" Tommy said. "What? What?" I asked. Now I was nervous. "They've locked the gates!" he said. "So? They always do that at night!" I said. "Yes, but Kelsey, think! Why would people be there, yelling? They must be trying to get out!" he said.

"Tommy, you don't think that shake was just some random shutter, do you?" I asked. "I think there's more to it than that," he said, pulling me toward the crowd. I followed, but I didn't want to look like some gawker.

"Let us up! Let us up, damn you!" some men were yelling. "It isn't time to go up to the boat deck yet!" cried the steward at the top of the stairs. He was on the other side of the gate, gun at the ready.

We had been down here behind this freaking gate for almost a half hour…

"Get back! Get back!" the steward yelled, firing off the gun at the wall. Woman and children screamed and men jumped back, but some continued to fight the gate. "Let us up you bastard! Give us a bloody chance!" men were yelling. Tommy fought his way to the front of the gate, leaving me behind. I knew he didn't want me to have to fight through the crowd of angry, violent men. But I wanted to.

I pushed past all the men. "Let us out!" I demanded. "I'm sorry, Miss, but it isn't time for Third Class to go up yet!" "Screw that! I'm through listening to people like you! Let us up! We have just as much of a right to life as the First Class!" I yelled, slamming my arms against the gate. "Tommy!" someone called.

Jack! My heart was pounding in my ears now. They were stuck down here! If anything, they should be up decks!

"Jack!" Tommy replied, running down the stairs past the angry, shoving men and woman. I followed close behind. "Please, Miss!" a woman asked me. I turned to face her. "Please, take care of my children! Get them to the boats!" the woman cried before running off.

What? I couldn't take care of three little children! I was fifteen! I could barely take care of myself alone! If I didn't have Jack, Fabrizio, Tommy and maybe even Rose I wouldn't have survived as long as I have! "Wait, ma'am! Please!" I cried, but the woman was nowhere around.

"Miss, hand me the children!" another woman cried. I suddenly felt nervous about handing over the three children. They looked at me with pleading eyes. "You have to take them back to their mother," I said. I was so lost suddenly. How the hell was I to give over three children that were just handed over to me? The woman nodded and pulled the three children gently toward her. She had a newborn in her arms who was, surprisingly, fast asleep.

"Kelsey?" Tommy called. "Thank you, Miss," I said to the woman. I ran off to find Tommy. "Jack!" I called. I knew if I found at least Jack, I'd find Tommy.

Someone grabbed my arm and I turned to face them. "Rose!" I said. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. It didn't exactly shock her because she hugged me back and said, "We're over here," leading me over to the three men.

"Jack! Fabrizio!" I cried. I threw my arms around the two men, then released them before joining Tommy's side again. "Kelsey!" Tommy whispered. I looked him in the eyes.

"In case we don't make it, I wanted to ask you… will you marry me?" he asked me. He looked straight into my green eyes, and I into his. "Yes…" I whispered stunned. I hadn't expected that at all, but something inside me was screaming—out of joy.

He pulled me close to him, and I did something bold.

I kissed him.

I didn't care what was going on suddenly. I loved Tommy because he was there for me when I needed him most. It didn't matter how long I'd been with Jack… Tommy was there when I needed him and he accepted the fact that I loved Jack… But I loved Tommy…

I loved him!

Once I pulled away from Tommy, I looked at Rose who was smiling at me. I knew it wasn't because I was out of her way now. It was because I could finally be happy. She had Jack and I had Tommy. It would always be that way!

"We have to keep searching for a way out of this!" I said to Tommy. He nodded and pulled me along. We followed Jack and Fabrizio.

Finally we'd found a gate, still locked, but not enough people to have to force your way to the top. The steward atop the stairs hadn't any weapons, therefore it was an easy attack. Jack pushed his way past the small crowd. "Open the gate!" Jack demanded. "Go back down the main stairwell," said the steward. "Open the gate right now!" Jack demanded, slightly more pissed off. "Go back down the main stairwell like I told you!" the steward retorted. "GOD DAMMIT! SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!" Jack yelled, shaking the gate violently.

The steward backed up a bit, but he didn't stop yelling back at Jack. Jack turned around and suddenly I feared him. He had a stern and determined look in his eyes. He ran to the corner of the stairwell, and I saw him pull on the bench. He was going to bombard the gate… Possibly even the steward.

"Fabri, Tommy! Give me hand!" he called. Rose turned to me and said, "Push them against the wall if you have to but get them out of the way!" I nodded and did as I was told.

"Move aside! Move aside!" Rose called. "Look out! Move! Move aside, sir!" I cried, pushing the men and woman aside. They listened and some stood in front of the gate. The sound of the floor board coming up made my push the people in front of the gates against the wall faster. They glared at me, but at least they wouldn't get killed!

"ONE! TWO!" Jack yelled. "Put that down!" the steward cried. "THREE!" Jack yelled. The three men ran toward the gate at full speed, the bench at hand. "AGAIN!" Jack cried. "Put that down now!" the steward cried desperately.

CRASSSSSHHHHH!

I jumped as the gate caved forward. We'd gotten out! Fabrizio went first, then Jack, and Tommy had let Rose and I go before he'd gotten out. "You can't do this! You can't g—,"

Crack!

I flinched at the sound of the man's jaw crunching. I knew it was Tommy who'd caused it, but I felt a bit happy that grudge was out of the way!

We'd gotten to the boat deck and we began running for the stern. It was more likely there were boats still there.

"All the boats are gone!" Rose cried. "Come on!" Jack cried. He pulled Rose along. I followed behind Tommy and Fabrizio. "Music! Now I know I'm in First Class!" Tommy said. I couldn't help but laugh at the comment.

We'd found some boats farer down the ship. They were only half full but Lightoller was doing a good job of pushing us into the boats. "Woman and children only!" the crew cried.

"Step aside, sir!" Lightoller called at Jack. "Go check the other side," Jack told Tommy and Fabri. "Go!" he said. Tommy pulled me along with him, and Fabrizio followed. "Wait! Wait!" I cried. Tommy looked at me as if I had grown an extra head. "Please," I plead. He nodded.

"Jack! I've wanted to tell you this all those times we fought about it… Jack, since I met you, I've loved… I just wanted you to know in case we never see each other again… If you make it, I want you to remember me," I said. Jack looked confused, but he listened.

"Forgive me," I said to Rose and Tommy. Rose nodded, and Tommy didn't know what I'd meant.

I kissed Jack full on the mouth. It was something I'd wanted to do for so long and finally, I'd waited too late. It was too late to ever realize what Jack was thinking. It was too late to realize I'd wanted something that could never—_would_ never be mine.

I loved Jack enough to let him go… Rose needed him in her life more than I ever did. I was selfish to think he should have been mine when I hadn't listened to the real story. I improvised in my head to make it all seem unfair… When all along it was more than fair.

I pulled away from Jack after a few moments. That was my goodbye. It felt so good to realize I wasn't taking this love to the grave. Jack knew and would forever remember me…

I just hoped he'd make it even if I didn't.

"Come on, Kelsey!" Tommy called behind him. I sped up my pace and followed quickly behind.

"Step aboard, Miss!" Mr. Wilde said to me. We had found some boats not yet full. "We have room for one more!" they cried as I was pulled onto the lifeboat. They quickly loaded a girl, a few years younger than I.

I smiled at her, trying to wash the look of pure fear off her face. She tried to smile back, but I could see she had nothing on her mind except the possibility of death.

"I'll shoot any man who tries to get past me! Get back! Get _back!_" Murdoch cried. I looked around, but I couldn't see. They had already launched my boat. I heard a gunshot and a few cries.

"Bastardo!" Fabrizio cried. Suddenly I tensed up. What happened up there? There another gunshot and before I knew it, Mr. Murdoch had plummeted to the icy water. I looked up, hoping maybe I'd get my answers…

But I didn't see anything.

Tell me Tommy was alright! Please!

"Row!" the steward cried.

I and the girl next to me and everyone else rowed away from the ever-sinking ship. "Row! Come on you lot! Row!" the quartermaster cried. "Row!" he snapped.

We continued to row and by the time we were farther enough away, the ship's lights had gone. Now the sea and the sky mixed at the horizon in a deep, ominous and almost deathly navy blue.

There were sounds of screaming and screeching.

I couldn't believe my eyes. The ship had split right down the center. Sparks of electricity could be seen and the cries of the trapped remained. The bow section began sinking, and the stern began rising once more.

The screams and pleas of the trapped grew louder and all the while, I felt hot tears prick and sting my eyes. Jack and Rose were still there on that ship I bet.

"Keep rowing!" the crewman yelled.

We'd been on the boats for almost an hour. The crew refused to go back. From a neighboring boat I heard, "It's your men out there! There's plenty of room for more!"

"And they'll be one less! If You don't shut that hole in your face!"

"We have to go back! I want to transfer all the men and woman from this boat into that! Quickly please!" one of the crewman called. We were told to stand up. I stood up, but I'd lost my balance on the lifeboat, and I'd fallen in. The shrieks of the woman and children could be heard above the surface and suddenly I froze.

The water was so cold!

I tried to swim to the boats that were going toward the survivors—if any. But I couldn't catch up, so I stayed among the dead.

I still couldn't believe it, though…

I'd made it. The water was deathly quiet, but I could still hear my heartbeat. It was loud in my ears. I couldn't feel my body, but I kept moving. I couldn't get out of the water though. Even if I kept moving, I wouldn't survive. The boats had to come back! They had to!

But I'd made it! But suddenly reality hit me. I was alone. It was just me who had survived.

Just me.

Did Jack? Did Rose? Did _Tommy_?

"Helloooo! Is anyone alive out theeeere?"

It was faint… but I heard it.

I tried to turn my head or even my body, but I just couldn't. My breath was coming out in desperate pants. I shuttered as I released my breath I had been holding. I was desperate to keep air in my lungs and my heart pumping. I could feel my eyes growing heavy though. I had to get the stewards' attention! My breath began to sound like I had ice in my throat. It was scratchy and rough.

"I'm here! Come back, please! I-I'm h-here!" I yelled. My voice was no more than a hoarse whisper. "C-c-come back-k h-h-here, pl-lease! I-I'm h-h-here!" I sobbed. My voice was growing weaker but I tried to call. I wasn't going to give up. I found the strength to yell, "PL-LEASE! COME B-BACK!"

"Come aboooout!" called the steward. I saw the light as it brushed past my vision. It was so bright…

The crew paddled slowly around in search of my voice. "C-c-come b-back! Pl-lease! Pl-lease! C-come back!" I yelled. I needed them to come back. I needed them to find me!

I closed my eyes as they drew nearer. "Pl-l-lease!" I begged. My voice was growing quieter. "Pl-lea…" My eyes began to grow heavy. "Pl-l-lea…" I begged. "Come aboooout!" the steward called again.

I shuttered again as I released a breath. I decided to close my eyes and just yell. I couldn't keep them open. I would be fine now… the stewards would find me. They knew where I was. I felt the water shift slightly as they rowed up to me.

"This is her!" I heard someone say. "We got here too late, sir!" they said. "N-no… y-you didn't… didn't…" I shuttered. "We have to get her out of the water!" someone said. "Well pull her out!" another said. I felt two arms grab mine and suddenly, the cold air felt like knives against my skin. I felt like screaming but I hadn't the energy.

My eyes were still closed. My breathing was still desperate gasps and I couldn't warm myself up no matter how deep I bundled myself into the blankets. The last thing in my mind…

Was Tommy.

**A/N: So? Yes, Kelsey does die, but that's only because they pulled her out late :( … If you get hypothermia and it's at its deadliest point, the second you close your eyes… It could be a bad mistake. That's why when you get it you aren't allowed to sleep. Your body doesn't have enough strength to keep working if you fall asleep… So yeah it's sad but I have a new story idea so I don't want to write a sequel to this when I have 'Forever Yours' and 'Cry' in progress! Ooh! Epilogue coming up! :D**


	10. Epilogue

**A/N: Here's the epilogue as promised! To Big Fan, for you: rikkichadwick2011blog. weebly. com/ reviewer- of- the - month . html ! Just remove the spaces! :)**

I had no idea where "here" was.

It looked so… Upper Class and bright. Not what I was used to… I walked around. I wasn't alone. There were maids at every corner. They were busy tidying up. The corridor didn't need much tidying up, really. It was clean and wealthy.

The close I wore were new. Untouched almost. It surely wasn't anything I had owned. It was very clean and very… beige.

My shoes weren't flats that were worn to their deaths… They were false gold, one-inch heels. They clicked against the hard wood flooring below me. The windows allowed sun to pour through and it was a warmth I'd grown to forget.

The heat from the light engulfed me, and it almost lead me someplace—which was good because I had no idea where the hell I was. "Excuse me?" I asked one of the maids. She turned toward me, a grand smile on her sweet, angelic face. "Yes, Mrs. Ryan?" she asked.

I stood frozen at the name. I'd almost forgotten—out of fear—that I was no longer Miss Halle! "Where am I?" I asked, not bothering to worry about how stupid I was probably sounding.

"Why, you're on the RMS Titanic!" she answered in a sweet, sing-song voice. My eyes grew wide, and suddenly I was more confused than a child in the middle of a crowded street.

"But the Titanic sank!" I said. "This is the grave of Titanic, Ma'am… All those lost on that night are here. They're here to carry on the journey of Titanic… You're just in time… We have a newcomer soon!" she said. "Wait, what's the day?" I asked. "April 15, 1997," she answered.

"But it was just 1912!" I cried absolutely confused.

"There were so many lost souls… It took a while for everyone to get here… 84 years to be exact! You were the second to last to get here! Our newcomer should be here quite soon!" the maid said before walking off.

I'd been lost for 84 years?

I didn't understand this! So I was dead? Titanic was new in our eyes suddenly! The grave of Titanic—to us passengers—was suddenly like the day we'd boarded.

I walked down the long, sunny corridor.

There was a room. I could see smiling faces behind the glass doors. I walked into the entryway, and a crewman stood there, the door ajar, just waiting for me to walk in. I took careful steps. I felt like if I walked too far, this… _fantasy_ would crumble beneath me and I'd wake up 84 years before in the freezing cold air… I didn't want that!

I wanted to stay here!

As I walked in, the band greeted me. I gave them a genuine smile. I saw Cora, and the little girl ran up to me, hugging my legs. The poor girl… she was still seven. Forever would she be. I picked up the sweetheart of a child and hugged her. I'd missed her so much. I'd missed all these people. I saw Murdoch at the bottom of the Grand Staircase, Mr. Andrews, a step above him.

He walked toward me, nodding his head. "Thomas," I greeted. "Kelsey," he said back to me. He held out his hand and I placed mine in his. Mine were much smaller than his calloused, and strong, hard-working hands.

He raised my hand up to his lips and kissed it. I smiled and said, "It's been a while." "Yes, I was beginning to miss having talking to someone who understood my work," he agreed. I smiled at him.

Someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around and I saw him.

I saw Tommy.

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. It felt so foreign. Time had gone by so quick—for me—but everything suddenly felt so lost… Everything felt so…

So…

Ancient.

It felt like forever since I'd kissed Tommy or talked to Thomas or Jack or Fabrizio and in a way… It had been forever…

I pulled away from Tommy and looked around. "What is it, Kels?" he asked me. "Jack? Fabri?" I asked. Tommy smiled and said, "turn around."

So I did.

Jack stood at the clock atop the stairs, and Fabrizio sat behind me. He stood up and threw my arms around his waist, giving him a hug that felt like a grip on life!

Jack descended the stairs toward Fabri, Tommy and me.

I hugged Jack and he whispered into my ear for only me to hear, "I never forgot you."

I felt tears sting my eyes.

This was what I wanted. I wanted to be around the people I loved no matter what the situation.

"Now we just await Rose," Jack said.

**A/N: So? How did you like the ending? The last chapter took me two days but it's all done and now I can focus on my other stories! :D I hope you guys liked the last two chapters! Please, reviewers, send a PM or a review to my sister Dramione-at-Soul! She was a big part of this story! I think she deserves some applause to! It wasn't just me! The plot was her idea, but the corrections and adjustment came from the both of us! So again just send her a shout-out! :D Thanks guys!**


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